As a single woman trying to find love in Sacramento, I never seem to have trouble obtaining it. The problem is keeping it.   A friend of mine once said to me, "the Beatles were wrong, love isn't all you need. Getting it is easy, keeping it is the hard part." For people without families or a significant other getting through the holidays can be very sad and lonely. Halloween and Thanksgiving is easy enough, but Christmas is more difficult. The crime and suicide rate soars at Christmas, all the criminals are trying to steal to provide for themselves and their families and people without families reach the height of loneliness and kill themselves.   A few of my friends really expressed a dismal view of Valentine's Day.

I told a friend of mine we should get together and watch movies and eat pizza and have a girls' night. One of my best friends, who is a guy, said "Hey, that's not fair, you should have a party so I can go too," indicating that guys get lonely on Valentine's Day and it would be a lonely day for him if I weren't there.

He suggested that I throw a party for single people at our favorite bar so that all my friends can go, not to try to and hook up with anyone, just to have fun on V-Day.   In my experience, people usually fall in love by accident; and you usually find it when you aren't looking for it or are looking for it in other places.

Magazines like Cosmopolitan and Jane advise that you shouldn't talk about religion, politics, or ex-boyfriends on a first date because they are passionate issues that should

be avoided. As a result I always do. How long will an atheist last with someone with a fervent belief in God? Can a right wing conservative get a long with a tree-hugging liberal?

The longest lasting relationships I ever had were with boring guys that had opposite political views yet for some reason wanted to keep me around for as long as possible - they were jealous yet somewhat stable.   They would say things to me like "I just want a simple life with a wife and a family," or "no one else loves you the way that I do."   In stark contrast, the men that I have had intense, passionate feelings for - men that went to Iraq to write about it; or followed racist groups around for years - just so he could write about it, would refuse to get involved with me, saying things like "I am out of control," and "you need to forget about me and find someone who can take care of you."

A lot of people act like love isn't important to them, they play the field too much or don't play at all.   My female mentors say that I pay too much attention to love, and I do.   But I have seen people transform themselves from drug addicts to responsible members of society simply because they had love in their lives.   While relationships and or friendships may get in the way of our responsibilities, those same relationships, or other ones, can inspire us to follow our dreams and be better people.    

Finding someone who supports your dreams, political and religious beliefs, and emotional and economic stability

is pretty hard to come by.   For anyone that has it this Valentine's Day - appreciate it.   I never have had that.   But I do have friends, I have a lot of people that truly love me - whether romantic or not.

A wise woman once told me, "Love isn't about trying to change someone into what you want them to be or even needing them to be with you. All it means is that you love that person and want for that person to have a nice life."

My grandfather, who loved my grandmother very much, said after regaining his composure sfter her death, "I have loved, I have been loved, and all the rest is window dressing."   It took me a few years to figure out what he meant by "window dressing," and while I'll never really know, (he passed away before I ever had the courage to ask) I think he meant that love is ultimately more important than anything and that the way things look, what society says isn't all that important as long as we love others and are loved as well.

My mother said "when people die on their deathbed, they aren't going to think things like 'I should have spent more time working and making more money, they are going to think things like I should have spent more time with my family."  

Love isn't confined to romantic relationships, it is that warmth in your heart for another human being, it is the love we have for our dreams and passions, our friends and families, and anything and everything close to our heart.